have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
