Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
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Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
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Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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