HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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