Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
