You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
