Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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