There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
