Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
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