I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
