question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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