forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
