I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
