Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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