I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
