Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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