Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
