last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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