Ambien. No doubt about it.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
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laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
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well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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