i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
