fuck your aforementioned shoe
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
