update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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