careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Randomize
