I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
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so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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