I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
