I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
