I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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