yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
