If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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