I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
