Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Randomize
