I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
