yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
