dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
