you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
