My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
