Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
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