we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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