Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
