i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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