Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
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I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
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I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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