Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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