At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Randomize
