I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
