wat bout pragnant strippers??
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
