Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
