The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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