How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i was born a porn star she said
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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