New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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