there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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