Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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