the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I faked an abortion last night.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She needs sedatives and a leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize