I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
