drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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