her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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