I must be too annoying 4 u.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
