I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
