It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
