is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
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i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I think I sprained my soul last night
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
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She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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