I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
