youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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