Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
