tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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