Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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