she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
