For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
