He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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