The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I want to fling myself into the sun
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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