haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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