CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
