Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I got inside last night via doggy door
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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