i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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