I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
