So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
