Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
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