Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Barsexuality is the new black.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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