Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
