dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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