Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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